Red Swordsman in a land of badass female warriors
by prototype gear
Summary: Returning from a thirteen year self-imposed training trip across the world over, Naruto Uzumaki will protect that which he couldn't when he was five years old. No longer a boy, but a protector, Naruto Uzuamki-Namikaze is about to bring the hammer down on the elemental Nations. In a world of Kunoichi, he now has to deal with the females in his family, and the rest of the continent!
1. Chapter 1

**I was playing tales of the abyss and this idea pooped into my head. the plot bunnies are rampant I tell you! its complete and utter madness!**

 **but yeah. this is a thing. deal with it. I don't own any of this shit. some dude in japan does. kishi-somehting. all I remember about him is that he's a shit story writer after the whole pien battle.**

Women, meet the swordsman. Albert-style.

The elemental Nations, the continent of the Kunoichi. A place were the world is sexist. The females are the one in power, as opposed to the other places in the world like Fiore, which is a democracy/kingdom mix, or places like the world government, which is ruled by both the celestial dragons (better known as the world nobles) and the old crones of the world government.

The elemental Nations are divided into different countries, which in turn, house different Kunoichi villages that take jobs and make sure that their country prospers. However, five kunoichi villages stand out from the rest. In order of power it is Tsuchi no sato, the village hidden in stone, which is still recovering from the third great kunoichi war, although they have made a lot of progress.

The second in power would be the hidden mist village, a village that had recently gotten through with a rebellion, with the rebel side winning. The village had gone through what is known as the bloodline purge, a witch hunt for all bloodline users in Kirigakure. The rebels, mostly composed of bloodline users, banded together to fight against the tyrannical Mizukage. Mei Terumi, the leader of the rebels, and holder of the boil and lava release bloodlines, became the new Mizukage in place of Yagura, the previous Mizukage, and Jinchuriki to the three tailed turtle beast, the Sanbi.

The third most powerful village is Sunagakure, the village hidden in sand. A dessert Kunoichi village known for its puppeteers and wind mistresses. It is a village surrounded by a rock wall that protects the village from the sandstorms that plague the dessert. It is also an ally to the village hidden in the leaves.

The second strongest is Kumogakure, the village hidden in the clouds. A village of lightning users situated in the mountains. It also houses two jinchuriki, Yugito Nii of the Nibi, and Queen Bee of the Hachibi. It is also famous for its third Raikage, who is the only known women to have beaten a biju in one on one combat with nothing but her fists. Sadly, she perished holding off an army of 10,000 during the third great Kunoichi war by herself for three days and nights. That is until backup from Kumo came and finished the job.

And finally, the most powerful village is Konohagakure not sat, the village hidden in the leaves. The first hidden village and the one with the most history. It is the village that has generated the most legends among Kunoichi. Ranging from Mara uchiha to Minako Namikaze, who is the 'Father' of this stories hero.

One of the things that Kunoichi developed was a jutsu that allowed females to reproduce with other females. Thereby eliminating the use of men as anything other than labor force, food producers, or businessmen. Well the men with the most ambition tend to go into different fields of science to better help society as a whole, but that's not what this stories hero did.

Naruto Uzumaki-Namikaze, the only male child of Uzumaki Kushina and Minako Namikaze was privy to the dangers of the world when the Kyubi no Kitsune broke free from its prison in his mother Kushina when he was but a boy of five years. Although the entire family came out of the disaster relatively unscathed, if you discount the fact that the newborn twins Aiko and Mithra both become the jinchuriki to the Kyubi's yin and yang half respectively, then yes the entire family came out alright.

But Naruto didn't. To the boy who, like all men, would never be able to mold chakra it was the ultimate wake up call. Without being able to do the amazing things all females in the world had the potential to do, he would never be able to amount to anything. He would never be able to help protect his beloved family and village. He would always be a burden that must be protected.

So that day he left the village in search of strength. That day he left to search for the one place that could help him on the path of the protector. Armed with nothing but the journal of his ancestor, Luke Fon Fabre, Naruto Uzumaki-Namikaze left his village in search of the ancient ruin Yulia city. And the boy would not return until thirteen years had passed. But by then the boy would be a boy no longer, but he would be a man. A swordsman to be precise.

* * *

Walking down the road to the gates of Konohagakure no sato was a blonde-with-red-highlights man with two whisker marks on each of his cheeks dressed in a red outfit. It was a long sleeved red coat that split into two tails and trailed down to his ankles after coming to his tailbone. The man wore red-maroon pants and maroon combat boots. The coat hid his neck and part of his face with hits high collar. On the man's back was a rucksack. And tied to his back were many different swords.

All of them were carried horizontally in their respective scabbards, except for one. The first sword was a strange blade that could best be described as a relic of the past. It had a black handle that ended up curving upwards into a Y, and had a grey-silver blade that after going past the legs of the Y became slightly bulkier and extended to a length of about three feet, with the legs of the Y going about one foot in length. (Key/sword of Lorelei)

The second was a much shorter blade that was black and had a golden-white intricate design on the blade itself. The scabbard itself had a white butterfly design on it that gave it a regal feel. (Asches blade)

The next two blades were something else to see. For one, they were in a crisscross style that gave the idea of them being duel wield swords. One was a wide blade that glowed blue and gave a feeling of the coldness. Not in the emotional sense but the temperature sense. The second blade was one that glowed vermillion and was a more traditional shaped sword that had a curved edge and a flat side. (Vorpal blade and Flamberge.)

Hanging on the man's shoulder was a great blade that would best be described as a claymore. It was great wide blade that was blue in color, but silver on the edges of the blade. The man held it by the handle as it rested on his shoulder. (Great sword)

As the man walked towards the gate, the two Chunnin guards, Izuma and Kotestu, took notice of him and were Immedianlty put on guard. Not because they of all the swords on him, but because he had an aura of power. Of majesty if you will. To their eyes he was obviously a skilled swordsman if the way he held himself was any indication. That and the fact that he was calmly walking towards the gate as casually as possible put them on edge. It was as if he had already seen the gates before and wasn't impressed, that or he just didn't care for really honking big village gates.

"Halt!" called out Izuna, getting his attention. "State your name and business traveler." She demanded as her hand went to her kunai pouch in case he did anything. Men may not be much of a threat in the world of Kunoichi, but this guy was different from the rest. She could feel it.

Said stranger then began to rub the back of his head. "Uhh…you do remember me right?" he asked sheepishly with a smile, not that they could see it with his collar in the way.

Kotestu's eyes narrowed. "No, should we?" she questioned as she went into a relaxed, but ready for anything position as she leaned against the wall.

The main went into a semi-depression slump. "Wow…I know I've been gone for thirteen years but did you really forget me?" he asked, still in the slumped position.

Both Kunoichi's eyes relaxed a little. "Uhh…should we? I don't really remember ever meeting you in the past years or anything." Izuna stated.

The man straightened himself. "Has it really been that long that people have forgotten me…?" he muttered. He then looked at Izuna and Kotestu. "Fine," he stated, "I'll give you a hint as to who I am." He said in all seriousness.

Izuna narrowed her eyes. "Go on, take it away bucko." She said, not believing that had ever met the man in front of her at any point in her life.

"Well…" he began as he stabbed his great sword into the ground and leaned on it with his hand. "I might have left the village without so much as a bye about thirteen years ago during the Kyubi attack…

Kotestu's brain began to rack s she tried to remember the aftermath of the kyubi attack.

"And I might have been the only male child of the village's most beloved couple at the time…" he continued. But was interrupted by Izuna and Kotestu's eyes widening at what the man had said.

"Oh shit." The both of them muttered.

"And I might have only returned to the village because I mustered enough courage to face the wrath of my mother…" he finished with a cheeky smile. Izuna and Kotestu looked at one another before looking back to the newly revealed Naruto.

"Well uhh…go on through stranger, your cleared for entrée just sign this right over there on the desk, thank you I'll be going now." They both monotoned as they got out of his way. He then went over to the desk in the side of the wall, signed it, and went into the village.

When he got out of their sights the two of them sighed. "Well…shits about to get whack." Was all Izuna said. And Kotestu couldn't help but agree with her fellow Kunoichi.

* * *

Walking around the village was a nostalgia trip for the redheaded boy. For one, he hadn't been in the village for thirteen whole years, spending the first two years of his self-imposed journey simply learning how to survive on his own. It wasn't until the fourth year that he had managed to take a boat to water country, but got knocked off course by a storm and see. It was good to know that his incredible luck held through and put him on an island that would give him clues as to the location of Yulia city.

As he walked through the village streets, gazing upon the many shops and wares on display, he noticed that he was getting many curious stares from the village populous. Mainly he got stares from the Kunoichi that were hopping from rooftop to rooftop. Especially this one cat masked Anbu that seemed to be leering at the swords strapped to his back. Although she eventually went her way when a sickly looking kunoichi stopped by and said a few words to her.

He eventually smelled the sweet smell of his childhood's favorite food, Ichuraku Ramen, but withheld from vising the Ichuraku's. Because one, he had someone to meet later, and two, his mother's would kill him of he didn't visit them first. Speaking of mothers…

"Which should I visit first?" he mused. Debating on which one he should visit first, he weighed the pros and cons. If he went over to the hokage monument to go to his 'Ma' he would save himself a lot of trouble when it comes to reestablishing himself as a denizen of the hidden leaf. On the other hand, if he went over to the Namikaze mansion and visited his 'mother' he would probably save himself a possible beating, and most likely convince his mother to cook his favorite meal for dinner.

During his journey, Naruto managed to collect a number of recipes. After collecting one, he would then try his hand at cooking it, so as to master the culinary arts. He prided himself on both his ability to cook, and mercilessly murder bandits and other marauders that cross his path. Maybe he would be able to swap recipes with his mother…?

Shaking his head he decided to go and visit the mother that put the fear of god into him so as to save himself the beating. Besides…she always was his favorite one. With his older twin sisters tying for second place, then his Ma, then his adorable little sisters that he would defend from any, and all who tried to date them.

Making his way over to the Namikaze-Uzumaki estate was a surreal trip for Naruto. Before he left, the area had been the one with the most devastation from the Kyubi attack. Now it was a business center. And it would seem that his older sister's, Kyoto's specifically, sweet tooth had an effect on the business in the area. The entire street was nothing but clothes shops, restraunts, toy stores, sweet shops, a few Kunoichi only stores, and about three bars and two clubs.

People were walking two and fro among the shops in the bustling street. Carrying shopping bags among their persons. There were a few kunoichi among the peoples if those three girls with the headbands were any indication. Most of them paid the rather intimidating man no thought, although a few of the older populace seemed to recognize him if their surprised faces were any indication. Iehter that, or they were just astonished that a man was in the area considering that most of the stores were run by women. Most men found jobs in areas like iron country. A Kunoichi-centric village like Konoha had very little use for men. And so the gender ratio was like 98:2.

He paid them all no mind as he made his way towards the hill with the Namikaze-Uzumaki estate on it. He walked the curved road that swirled upwards to the front door of the mansion, a design tradition made to honor Uzugoshiogakure. He took note of the various flowers that decorated the space in between the line of the swirl. He remembered being the one who started those plants, and it would seem his family continued it in his honor. Something to remind them of him he supposed. Thye eve kept the Cherry Blossom tree that was on the inner part of the second swirl. He smiled at that, he had some good memories involving that tree.

He stood in front of the door for a good while. Apprehensions to even knock on the door and see his beloved mother for the first time in thirteen years. What would she do? hit him with a frying pan like he saw her do to his Ma so many times? Embrace him in a hug like he expected her to do? Grab him and put seals on him so that he could never leave the house ever again? Mustering up the courage that brought him home in the first place, with a shaky hand, he knocked on the door.

First once, then twice, and then three rapid knocks. It was a family secret knock. Every family member had a different one. And this was his.

There was an uncomfortable silence as he waited for someone to open the door. He debated whether it was a good idea or not to run away before someone opened up the door. Yes he was that nervous to meet with his family again. It wasn't an estranged relationship per say, but it was slightly distant. He run away at the age of five, before his mothers could instill different life lessons in him and teach him the way of the world. He had taught himself everything he knew. How to survive, how to fight, and he created his own world view. All through trial and error.

He was about to turn away, but he heard the door open. Brought out of his thoughts he saw his redheaded mothers face for the first time in years. There were tears flowing from her eyes, but there was no mistaking that the women before him was Kushina Uzumaki. Wife of the yondaime hokage Minako Namikaze, and the former jinchuriki of the Kyubi no Kitsune.

"Naruto…" she whispered. Her form visibly shaking. Tears were flowing from her violet eyes as she slowly moved towards her wayward son.

Naruto allowed himself a small smile as he opened his arms slightly. "Hey mom…I'm back." He said just before Kushina threw herself onto him, crying her heart out in joy. She had her son back. Her son came back to her. Her family was finally back together.

She stayed like that for a good few ten minutes before disengaging from her son. Tears still flowing from her eyes as she appraised her sons new look, her eyes going up and down across his person.

"You've grown so big since I last saw…" she whispered. Her mind still reeling from the reality in front of her. It was all she could say really. All her mind could process.

"Yeah…" Naruto said, not knowing what else say to her. To Kushina, this is the most happiest moment she's had in years, her son coming back to them, but to Naruto it was the most awkward thing he's had to experience since that one time on that island of amazon people.

Kushina stared at him for a good while more before turning around. "Why don't you come inside and tell me what you've been up to…I'll make some tea if you don't mind." She said as he gave him a motherly smile.

Naruto nodded, but before Kushina could walk away he grabbed her arm. "Why don't you sit down in the living room and wait for me. I'll make the tea." He said with a smile.

Kushina kept her smiling face, inwardly screaming in joy that her son would do that for her. "I would like that." She said as tears sprouted from her eyes once again.

* * *

The Mansion was still how he remembered it. Same three story building with large a living room the size of three classrooms, a dining room you would find in a castle, paintings and fancy pottery and all, a bathroom that the whole family can fit in as once (and did from what Naruto could remember of the first five years of his life), multiple bedrooms that you would expect a king or emperor to sleep in, and finally, a kitchen that could only be used efficiently if you had multiple servants, and or maids.

That or you were an Uzumaki with access to the shadow clone jutsu. But Naruto didn't, so he simply grabbed a teapot, some water and teal leaves. Mixed it all up, and with quick chants of something incomprehensible due to mumbling, Naruto made hot tea on the spot, and ready to be drinked on the go.

As he walked through the house, he was enveloped in a wave of nostalgia. Walking down the halls, he could see a four-year old him running around, playing with his by-one-year-older sisters, Kyoto and Suki, clones of Minako and Kushina respectively.

As he walked down to the hallway were his sisters and he broke a couple of really expensive vases playing a game of 'tag-ball' he came upon the sight of his mother sitting on the couch in the living room, looking at a picture book of their family. Again, she had tears in her eyes.

He grabbed his mother's attention when he put the teapot on the table and poured his mother a cup of it. She smiled at him as she took the steaming cup from him. Kushina gazed at her son as he untied all the swords from his back and put them down on the glass coffee table that sat in between four couches in a square formation. It was the family card game table he remembered. Naruto then leaned his great sward against the couch before he sat down.

The two gazed at the each other and the swords before Naruto cut the silence. "To start off, I didn't run away because you weren't a good mother, you're a great mother if you're wondering. I simply left for personal reasons…" he stated. As he got into a relaxed, seated position.

Kushina kept her gaze on the swords. Specifically the Key of Lorelei. "When you left…I noticed that one of the books was missing from my personal library." She said. Her voice barely above a whisper.

Naruto kept silent.

"When you left…we were shattered. We looked everywhere for you, but we could never find you…it was three years ago…ten years after you left…that I gave up." She said. The tears threatening to fall from her eyes once again.

She rubbed her eyes with her elbow to clear them up. "I always wondered, was it because I wasn't a good enough mother? Did I ever abuse you and not notice it? Did I by chance…neglect you? I had to be restrained to a hospital bed to stop me from going and looking for you personally. And Minako couldn't go due to her having to take care of the village in wake of the Kyubi attack…"

 _Goddamnit mom, I know I was a shitty son…_

"But then I noticed that there was a book missing from my personal collection. It was one of the books that I had managed to recover from my homeland…and it was the book I always read to you as a bedtime story…the book I thought was nothing but mere fiction…until I laid eyes on this sword…"

She then looked at Naruto with tears in her eyes. To which Naruto simply got up and went over to his mother to hug her. She returned the embrace without an ounce of hesitation. "Please…tell me why you left us…why you left your sisters alone…why you abandoned your village to chase after some relics of the past…" she begged into Naruto's ear.

"I…" he began. Tears coming from his eyes as he realized just how much he had hurt his mother and family. "I left to become stronger…when the Kyubi attacked out village…I saw so many people die from it alone…as they tried in vain to hold it off…and there was me, sitting away from it all…crying in a corner as I held your bleeding body that Ma dropped off before grabbing my newborn sisters…"

Kushina began to rub his back as he cried into her shoulder. Doing what any mother does when confronted with a crying child that belonged to her.

"Throughout it all…I couldn't do anything…I could do nothing but cry and hope that it would be alright as I listened to the screams of terror all around me. My sisters and I were crying as we held your bleeding body…and there was nothing we could do…no matter how much you reassured us that it would be fine…we couldn't hold onto that hope with the Kyubi's presence in the area…we couldn't do anything but cry and hope…and I couldn't do anything but cry and hope…"

He stopped for a bit as he backed away from his mother, whipping the tears away from his cheeks. "So that day, I resolved to become strong. Strong enough to protect my family. The village could burn for all I care as long as you, Ma, and the rest of the family are safe. So I learned the Albert-style of swordsmanship. And I trained. I trained for years and years. And now…" he trailed off.

"Now I can fight on the level of Jonin Kunoichi." He declared with a smile.

To say that statement rocked Kushina's world would be to say that Nomora has a zipper and belt fetish. Never before has any man ever said that with such confidence. And Kushina was inclined to believe him. There was something in the way he carried himself and the way he held that large sword of his on his that layed on the table.

Gathering her wits, Kushina gave her son a smile. "Normally I would laugh at such a proclamation…but a mother has to have faith in her children doesn't she?" she said with perfect clarity. Giving her son a radiant smile that conveyed her belief in him to him.

With a grin, Naruto sat down onto the couch with his mother. "So why don't you let me tell you all about the things that happened during my adventure?"

Kushina simply took another sip and smiled at her son. "I would love to hear that. How about you start off with how someone wearing the same clothes as you got the moniker 'The Berserker'?"

Naruto scratched the back of his head in a sheepish manner, much like Minako does Kushina noted.

"Well, funny story that…" he began as he recounted an rather interesting tale involving a cranky old lady, a mop, thirteen bottles of beer on the wall, exploding flowers, Coca-Cola, a pregnant lady, incompetent law enforcers, and the most importantly, a snickers bar.

* * *

Minako Namikaze was having a rather infuriating day. For one, Tsunade Senju had actually snuck into Konoha's sake storage and drunk herself almost to death (she was in a coma), she had to deal with Might Gaea crashing into her office nacked (for reasons unknown and better left unknown), her old sensei was arrested for sexual harassment (again), the old war buzzard was still secretly running root, someone switched her coffee for hot chocolate (never mess with Minako's coffee), she got a report that the Berserker was in town, and finally, her daughters that were just about graduate had thought that it would be a funny idea to deface the hokage monument.

Minako was not amused. But her wife was.

The spiky blonde haired woman that was the fourth hokage was a buxom women. She had on a simple jonin flak jacket that only served to show just how big a bust was hidden under her hokage robes. She wore simple shinobi blue pants, and shinobi sandals.

Minako was tired. Damn tired. And it had been a long while since she got laid. Maybe she would go along with Kushina's idea of letting her be the father this time? Nah, not yet. The average Kunoichi lifespan was about 200 years. She had…what, seventy-sixty more years until she was middle aged? With a sigh, Minako looked over to the cherry blossom tree that she would play with Naruto under, or have a picnic with the rest of the family. It had been a good long six years after Naruto left that Aiko suggested that idea to Kushina.

Great, now she was thinking about Naruto now…he would be what? Eighteen now? She and Kushina had missed his entire teenage life and a good half of his childhood. Not for lack of trying mind you, she sent their best Anbu and hunter Nins after her wayward son, but they never found anything.

Nothing, zilp, zich, Nada. It was as if he had become a ghost and left the world of the living. Hell, Kushina gave up on finding him three years ago. That was one of the saddest days in Minako's life, having to give up on finding her son. That didn't mean that she threw away the presents that she kept in a storage scroll in his bedroom in case they ever found him again though.

With her head in the clouds, Minako opened the doors of her and her family's home. And was promptly brought out of her thoughts when she heard the sound of her beloved wife, Kushina laughing her lungs out. This gave Minako pause, simply because she hadn't heard her wife laugh like that in a longtime. Not since…Naruto.

She then walked into the living room and found herself gazing at the sight of her wife flailing around as what appeared to be the Berserker recounting the end of a rather interesting tale that Minako was rather interested in.

"-At that point the old lady grabbed the mop I had in my hands before shoving it up the police guys ass, looked at me, and said 'Young man, if you know what's good for you, you will ignore what I am about to do like the pussy ass bitch you are and watch as my fine ass teaches these motherfucking shits a lesson that even your mother will feel in the morning.'"

Once again, Kushina burst out laughing. "I can't breathe!" she exclaimed in between bouts of the giggles. A minute later and she had composed herself and told him to go on. She was still giggling however.

"Well, it was after the fact that a bunch of Law officers were beat around by an old lady using one of them as mace that I got my little tittle. It seemed that a bunch of douches couldn't take the fact that they got beat by a badass old lady and her pregnant granddaughter. So they…how shall we say…took their anger out in a really petty way by putting a bounty on my head. Then again, it's probably because I drank all their alcohol without sharing a drop of it…But at least I got to try the old lady's delicious cookies!" the man added at the end."

He finished his small epic by giving the bird in the direction of the hallway opposite of Minako, presumably in the direction of the people who put the bounty on the Red Berserkers head.

With a giggle, Kushina continued on with the conversation. "So were else did you go on your travels?"

The man, who looked oddly familiar to Minako, scratched his chin in thought. "Well, I did have a few misadventures in this country of mages called Fiore. As well as some places in the grand line…"

Kushina blinked at that. "A country of mages? As in…magic?" she asked, curious about the possibility of magic existing.

The man nodded. "Yeah. You need to visit sometime. They have some stuff over there that's out of this world. I even picked up a bit of magic over there, as well as a music…player thing. As well as my magic rucksack, damn thing is nearly bottomless. Oh! And I met a dragon over there as well, called herself Grandeeney. She was taking care of a little girl named Wendy. Sweet thing she was." He said with a smile as he went into nostalgia mode.

That seemed to pick Kushina's interest. Although she didn't ask for more details about this Fiore country that Minako made a note to learn more about from the Berserker. "Well…what can you tell me about your time in the grand line? All that I know about that place is that it's a chain of islands…"

That seemed to make the man happy. "The grand line eh? Well…it's more than a chain of islands." He began, his grasp on Kushina's attention masterful. "It's a place of adventure, of excitement, of death, of hardship, but most of all…it's the place that the strongest people in the world reside. Those that seek adventure and riches flock to the seas of the grand line, which can change from a calming cruise to a typhoon in the span of three seconds, no exaggeration."

Kushina gasped at the idea of the man going to such a place and braving it. Minako didn't know why Kushina would care that much about the Berserker, other than the explanation that the two became fast friends in the span of a few hours.

"And you went to such a place!? And came out alive!?" she all but shouted, concern heavily noticeable in her voice.

He gave her a cheeky grin. "Yep! Some of the most awesome of my adventures took place in those waters!" he said with a laugh. "Although…I never got past the first half of the grand line. I only stayed in 'Paradise' so to speak." He said in air quotes.

"Damn it Naruto, don't give me that tone! You went to quite possibly the most dangerous place on the planet! Of course I'm going to fret and worry!" she said as her infamous temper took over.

Minako dropped the coffee mug she was holding. The shattering of her favorite coffee mug drawing the attention of those present.

Kushina was silent. Giving her wife the time she needed to get over her shock. That didn't stop the smile from coming onto her face at the sight of another family member reuniting with their lovable blonde-with-red-highlights.

Naruto was silent as he slowly walked over to his 'Fathers' trembling form. It would seem that the shock was probably too much for the yellow flash. That is until her shacking form began to slowly inch its way toward the approaching form of her grown up child.

When Naruto stood in front of her, she cupped his cheek with one hand while staring into the crystal clear blue eyes of his, eyes that he obtained from her.

Minako stood like that for a good long while. As if she lost her voice.

Finally, she did speak. "Is it really you…?" she asked. Slightly masculine women or not, she was still a 'mother' with maternal instincts and all that jazz. And right now, her mind had shut down from the sight of her runaway son that her wife had given up on finding.

Naruto simply nodded. Finding the idea of verbally answering that a bad idea with the current mood.

And then she hugged him. Again, just like her wife, tears were flowing out of her eyes. "Your back…your finally back." She repeated like a mantra for a few minutes. It would seem that Minako had all but given up hope of ever seeing her son again after thirteen long years.

"Yeah…I'm back home Ma."

And then Kushina joined in for a group hug.

* * *

"Wait, Kyoko and Suki are out on a mission for how long?"

"Well…they're supposed to be back by tomorrow for Aiko and Mithra's graduation. So the whole family should be reunited by then. I was thinking of doing a celebratory family dinner for the occasion."

"Ah, Kushina's exquisite cooking. I'm down for that!"

"Actually…I was thinking that me and Naruto should make everything together…"

"Eh? My adorable little Naru-chan cooks?

"For the last time Ma…I'm a grown man, at least treat me like one…"

"Nonsense! I'm making up for all the time that I couldn't baby my adorable little baby! Now shut up and say 'Aw'!"

"Hell no Ma! I can feed myself!"

"Language young man! And Minako, put a damn shirt back on!"

"Why? It's approaching g summer time and the weathers showing it! It's too hot to wear something as stuffy as the Hokage's robes!"

"Actually mom, this is nothing. After being stuck on Amazon lily for about three months I'm kinda desensitized to incredibly attractive half-naked women. And remember, she is my Ma. Not exactly trying to jump her bones am I?"

"Didn't need the image Sochi…"

"Speaking of…when are you going to get yourself a nice girl to settle down with son?"

Naruto was sitting at the dinner table, the giant ass rectangular one that can fit sixteen people that's in the dining room, with his parents. With Minako at the head of the table with her wife and son at the sides of the table, opposite ends closest to her. Sweet delicious homemade Ramen. An Uzumaki-Namikaze's favorite food. And one of the first things Naruto made for his parents when they asked to try and eat his cooking.

Needless to say they gave him a triple star.

Naruto deemed Kushina's comment as sputter worthy. "M-mom! Really!?"

She simply put laid her head on her hand and pouted. "Aw, c'mon! you already told me you had lots of adventures! Don't tell me you didn't run into any pretty girls on your little escapades!" she cheered at him.

Naruto gained a thoughtful look. "Well…I did run into this really nice girl I ran into on the grand line…but she was already taken."

That didn't seem to satisfy Kushina, nor Minako if the fact that her full attention was on Naruto was any indication.

"Well, what was she like son?" asked Minako with a curious tone as she took another sip of her coffee.

"Well, she was a nice pretty thing. Long black hair, hips that just snaked everywhere, the most curious yet entrancing eyes of pure violet crystalline flowers, and a decent bust that was moderate for a slender women like herself." He finished with a grin.

Kushina finished ramen bowl number twenty three. "Oh ho! Seems like someone had a little crush!" she then jabbed her elbow into Minako's shoulder, "Seems like our baby boy is growing up!"

Minako simply sweatdropped. "He's an eighteen year old Kushina. I would say he IS grown up."

The redhead pouted. "Geh, your no fun Mina. Cant a mother at least try to tease her own child?"

"Well I'm pretty sure that our little child is all grown up and can take care of himself."

"Don't remind me…I mean, I'm glad he came back and all…but I wanted to be there to constantly embarrass him throughout his life.

"Uhh…accomplished swordsman, right here." Naruto said, pointed to himself with his own chopsticks. "Not like I'm being noticed…" he muttered.

"Sorry about that Sochi, but now that you bring that up…" began Kushina with a finger on her chin a she adopted a thoughtful expression.

"What's the point of the other swords? I mean, you told us that you prefer using the greatsword, and you only use the key of Lorelei when going against worthy opponents." Finished Minako.

"It's because those other three swords are gifts. The Maestro sword for mom, Flamberge for Kiyoko, and the Vorpal blade for Suki." Explained Naruto.

Kushina's eyes widened. "Y-you're really giving me such a valuable sword!? I saw the craftsmanship on that blade and age hasn't affected its pristine condition any bit!" exclaimed Kushina.

"Yeah. I thought you might like it. It seems to fit your style ya know. And last I heard my older sisters wanted be swordswomen just like you mom." Naruto replied with a cheeky grin on his face as some of the broth fell down his chin.

His mother smiled at that. "So you brought souvenirs from your journey for the entire family eh? Well it's definitely something you would do…I'll take the sword Naruto. And thank you, it means a lot for you to get me something a one of a kind gift." She told him just as she finished her twenty-sixth bowl.

The Swordsman in Red only now took notice of his mother's horrifying rate of consumption of the many, many, MANY ramen bowls he had cooked up. He knew of his two mother's insatiable love for ramen. That's why he and Kushina cooked so many bowls of the stuff. He had hoped that they would at least consume half of the ramen, but it would seem that they would eat all of it.

All 87 bowls of ramen. If their respective stacks were any indication. Naruto looked at his own measly stack of eight bowls. Compared to the appetites of all the females in his family…wait.

He was the only male in his entire family line.

That's mildly depressing.

He was brought out of his thoughts when he heard the doors of the estate open, and the sounds of panting voices reverberated down the hallway of the kitchen. "I keep telling you Aiko, I don't know what you see in that bitch Satsuki, Itachi's sister or not…she's a bitch." Came one of the obvious female voices.

"You don't need to call her that Mithra! Sure she's a jerk, but that's because she has to act like a jerk! Quit being so mean to her!" came the other voice.

 _"_ _I completely forgot about Itachi! He did say that he would be returning to the leaf two years ago when we ran into each other in Fiore. Hopefully he's gotten better at his swordsmanship cuz I need a real challenge. It's been nothing but bandits and Marauders my whole journey home!"_

"Hey Aiko, the hells that smell?"

"I don't know…but it smells like…"

Naruto just looked at his mother's. "It's genetic isn't it?" he asked incredulously.

Minako nodded. "Well, it's more along the lines of an Uzumaki genetic trait. I kind just built up a tolerance for the stuff." She said while pointing at Kushina's ever increasing amount of bowls with her thumb.

Naruto sighed. "This damn family is whack as all hell…but I like it." He said with a grin just as the two other family members entered the dining room.

Aiko Uzumaki-Namikaze was a somewhat clone of Kushina. Sure, she had the same red hair and fiery temper, but she had Minako's eyes and face shape. But she had Kushina's somewhat angular nose. She was dressed in a red silk Kimono that befitted someone of her status, leather shoes instead of shinobi sandals, and had her hair in a ponytail. She was also drooling at the many, many, MANY bowls of hot ramen that haven't cooled off in the past thirty minutes.

Magic. That's how.

Mithra Namikaze-Uzumaki was a 75 percent clone of Minako. Spiky blonde hair? Check. Violet eyes? check. Green jacket covering a tank top and blue shorts? Check. Hairband preventing her hair from drooping down her face and obscuring her vision? Check.

While Aiko was visibly drooling over the crapton amount of ramen in front of her, Mithra was analyzing the stranger that was in her house, sitting across from her mother. She noted that this person was obviously someone with either a reputation, an old friend that their parents never told them about, or a politically important person with enough value to warrant being invited over to dinner with her parents.

But that wasn't what stood out to Mithra. It was the fact that the person that had apparently eaten twelve bowls of Ramen was a MAN. Something that young Mithra saw very rarely. And that he was apparently _ripped_.

As in, flex and shit explodes ripped.

She did what any confused girl would do in the presence of an incredibly hot guy, she waved, "Uhh…hi." She deadpanned. A bit of drool seeping from her mouth.

Naruto saw the stare his little sister was giving him. It was the same stare that a lot of women gave him on his travels. He was being viewed as a piece of meat in her eyes. And she was just waiting to pounce.

Thankfully Kushina intervened. "Aiko, Mithra! Say hello to your big brother!" she cheered with a smile and a wave.

"Honey don't talk with your mouth full."

The two thirteen year olds waved cheerfully and synchronized "HI ONII-CHAN!"

…

…

…

Mithra broke the silence. "Wait we have a big brother!?"

Apparently the same thought didn't run through Aiko's mind because she was already hugging a flustered Naruto. Who seemed to be freaking out.

"Awww, what's this? Is my little Sochi afraid of being hugged by a female? Even if she is his adorable little sister?"

Naruto responded with a deadpan stare. "Kinda. All female contact reminds me off this weird lady with this sick fetish for-"

"We are at the dinner table son. You can talk about gross stuff later. But right now im trying to eat." Interrupted Minako.

Naruto held down his head in shame. "Yes Ma…"

"Oh, and son…"

"Yes Ma?"

Naruto began to pay his full attention to his 'Father' when he saw the serious face she had. "Tomorrow is Graduation day. I want you to go over there and spar with the Chunnin instructor over there in front of the brats."

"Is there any reason by chance that you want me, a man, to go over and spar in front of a bunch of kids?" he asked as he managed to pry Aiko off of him and handed her a bowl of Ramen for her to eat. At this point, Mithra had gotten over the whole 'you have a big brother' thing and was now sitting down and eating her respective bowl.

"It is precisely because you are a man that I want you to go over there and demonstrate in front of the kids."

Naruto shrugged. "A lesson in unexpected variables during missions as a final lesson I take it?" he asked as he shoved his mouth full of delicious noodles.

"Exactly. That and I kinda want to see some Chunnin react to a man able to fight on par with them without chakra. Oh, and no swords."

"Damn."

"…am I the only one still shocked that I have a big brother?"

"Mithra, shut up and eat your noodles that I cooked for our mother."

"Yes onii-chan."

"…that's still something that I will need to get used to…"

 **VIOLENCE NEXT CHAPTER.**

 **CUE THE AIRHORNS!**

 **BABABABWAAAAAA**


	2. Sword skills pay the bills

**SUP PEOPLES! IT IS I! YOUR LORD AND MASTER, PROTOTYPE GEAR!**

 **I had a lot of fun writing this one. its mainly a chapter to cement the personalities of Naruto's two elder sisters: Suki and Kyoko. who are...very attached to Naruto. forwarning, there are going to be some refernces to different mangas/Anime's in this story. most of them are basicly past hijyncs that Naruto got himself into. I should probably make a side story to this filled with nothing but one-shots of his past misadventures.**

 **anyway, while writing this I listened to the entire Anarchy Reigns ost. some tracks that I would recommend are: my pride, my town my city, they came from underground, jazz house, MDK's, and jaws. I also listened to the fairy tail 2014 ost, some really great shit right there. some piano covers of tohou songs. and the john cena theme.**

 **I do not own Naruto, or any other franchise that is referenced in this chapter. if I did, my plan for immortality and world domination would already be underway. also kenpachi(I forgot the number after) is a fucking awesome author that I highly recommend for any and all of you people. he's were I got the idea to due the chunnin exams in the land if iron in my fic 'I don't think mom wanted me to be a ninja'.**

 **and heres the chapter. enjoy. I highly recommend listening to some jazz music while reading this because jazz music is fucking awesome.**

 **CHAPTER TWO: THE BIG BROTHER CAN FIGHT!**

* * *

Mithra Uzumaki-Namikaze was a smart girl. A hardworking girl. A girl that loved mysteries. But for the love of god, she could not figure out the mystery of her big brother. The brother she was never told that she had, the brother that she didn't know even existed, the brother that was waving around a six foot long sword around like it was nothing.

If there was one thing that Mithra loved, it was solving mysteries. It was why she was paying too much attention to the eighteen-year old man who was in the throes of a workout at the moment. Men are supposed to be weak, to be doomed to a life of having to rely on the beautiful female race to protect them.

Apparently her brother was the one percent.

Her brother- _Naruto_ -she corrected herself, was currently shirtless, sweating, and swinging around a weighted sword. Said weight was about eighty pounds worth of mass. And he was swinging it around like it was going out of style. Scars littered his body, giving the man a rugged kind of charm. One that stood out was a scar right over his heart in the shape of an X, one located on his neck that looked like it was caused by someone stabbing him in that spot, and the last notable one was a great zig-zag that went from his chin to just past his belly-button. It was as if someone had tried to split him in half and almost succeeded.

But that wasn't what caught Mithra's attention.

It was the fact that he had no visible scars on his back.

Her brother had never backed down from a fight.

And he was still alive.

It was official. Badassery runs in her blood.

Mithra went back to staring at her brother as he made yet another crater in the ground, simply by smashing his massive sword into the ground. It was obvious to Mithra that her brother had been fighting most of his life. From the scars on his body, to the muscular form that would make her fellow kunoichi drool, her brother's very presence screamed 'I can fuck you up'. She went back to watching, observing the speed that he was swinging that slab of metal, the grace of his footwork created through years of fighting, the ease of which he moved his body, and the look of pure calm that was on his face.

He wasn't even trying. He was working on auto-pilot. Her brother was going at jonin speeds while swing eighty pounds of lead on top of an already heavy sword. The fact that he had so much physical power, and the speed to capitalize it to its utmost limit scared Mithra. And if what she gleamed form the dinner conversations from yesterday were any indication, swordsmanship wasn't the only thing he had up his sleeve.

Magic, who in their right mind would believe that such a thing exists? But apparently it beat the shit out of sealing scrolls. Maybe he could teach her that requip magic of his? He did say that he brought books from that Fiore place…she really liked those stories of his travels. Who knew that the world was such a big place? Fiore, the grand line, the weird interdimensional rift that he apparently fell through…

She wanted to see it all.

"Hey Mithra, hand me that towel on that branch beside you!"

Broken out of her stupor, Mithra noticed that she had moved from her previous position and had sat underneath the cherry blossom tree that her mother's loved so much. She never knew why they felt so much attachment to a simply cherry blossoms tree. That is until the talk from yesterday when her brother made a comment about his favorite tree being taken good care of.

Her birth mother smiled brightly at him for the compliment.

Shaking her head, she grabbed the towel hanging off a branch and began to walk toward the hulking mass of muscle and sweat. Her nose wrinkling at the smell of the _really_ bad B.O., dear god it was strong! Did this guy ever shower?

"I don't need to shower when I have a banishment spell for body odor dear little sunflower." The older sibling deadpanned. Mithra stopped in her tracks, not even noticing her brother snatching the towel out of her hands and wiping himself down of his sweat. Embarrassment flooded the Minako clone. Her face bright red at both the rude comment she unknowingly said, and the nickname he called her. Gathering her wits, she let out what it was she set to tell before she got caught up in watching her brother work out.

"Breakfast will be ready soon oni-san." She said. Using the honorific bullshit to sound repsecrful.

Naruto bopped her in the back of her spiky golden hair. A scowl on his face. "None of that honorific crap. I don't care for formalities. I think they're pointless." And he really did. A lifetime of travel and battle had hammered away at the noble upbringing he had for the first five years of life, and changed him into a gruff man that had no respect for titles. Show; don't tell is a moto he lived by. To him, titles don't mean shit if the one who holds it can't prove that they have earned that title.

In short, he fucking hated honorifics. Say mom, or mother. Not Kaa-san or what that other shit is.

Mithra held the bump on her head as it pulsed with pain. Her brother hits fucking _hard_! She got up from her kneeling position, only to find that her brother was already on his way back to the house. The towel he used resting on his shoulders as his very impressive physique was laid bare to the world. The hardened muscles, the ripped abs, the fucking eight-pack, all of it was there. A testament to his years of hard work and determination to grow stronger.

Mithra took one last look at the weighted sword _still_ embedded into the ground, the earth cracking in multiple directions with their origins coming from the spot were the blade itself was embedded into the earth.

This only reaffirmed her suspicions. Her brother was stronger than her older sisters.

* * *

Many people were giving the village jinchuriki questioning stares, most of them being women, as they walked in the company of a man dressed in a red coat. Said man happened to have a great sword stuck to his back with a magnet. It wasn't the jinchuriki that people were staring at, it wasn't the fact that the red Bezerker was in town, it was the fact that he was being dragged along (by hand) by Aiko Namikaze-Uzumaki.

"Ooh! And that's the place that mom and ma took us for our seventh birthday were we had a chocolate cake that had seven layers! We couldn't eat all of it but we did get rid of five of those layers! Oh and that's were mom beat the ever loving shit out of this one guy who tried grabbing her ass and…"

And the youngest Namikaze, who had the personality of her mother, was going on and on about all the places she had memories of. Most notably they were places that involved people getting mutilated at by a relative, a birthday place, or a favorite restraunt of the families. However, most people were surprised that the man had a smile on his face as he let himself be dragged along by the bubbly village princess.

Eventually the three made it to the Kunoichi academy. A large building were the village future soldiers are trained in the arts of killing, murder, torture, interrogation, and all that fun stuff at the tender age of _eight_. Meh, Naruto took his first kill when he was nine so he had little room to argue. But then he was dragged into the classroom his sisters attended.

Iruna was having a wonderful day. She had a wonderful breakfast after getting up from a beautiful sleep, had a nice morning jog around the village, got to her classroom before any of the annoying kids got there, enjoyed the blissful silence, had some decent coffee, and to top it off: the kids were so nervous about the gennin exam that they were as quite as a herd of mice!

And then this man dressed in red and carrying this _giant_ sword came into her classroom following the Namikaze twins, and handed her a piece of paper. After reading the letter, the Chunnin instructor could only look at the man incredulously. "I'm sorry, but the hokage wants me to let you proctor the physical parts of the gennin exam? Why the hell should I do that?"

Now Iruna was a good teacher. A powerful Chunnin, borderline jonin. A friend to all annoying small chirin, and a damn fine weasel in the bed. But she was also a skeptic. Why the hell should she let this man- a man of all things! - Take over the physical parts of the gennin that _she_ was supposed to oversee? In fact, she wasn't going to go alo-

"Are you thinking of disobeying a direct order from your Kage?"

The tone was cold. Leaving no room to argue. She _was_ thinking of going against what the letter had written in it. The worst part was that it had the hokage seal of approval in it. Meaning it wasn't forged. Iruna allowed herself to look at the man in his eyes. Those eyes were hardened. Battle hardened to be exact. Cold and powerful. Something that she never expected to see in a man.

Well, there goes that idea.

Iruna sighed. Today was going to be weird. She could feel it in her bones.

And it had such a perfect morning too…

"Well first I need to administrate the written portion of the exam. After that I will need you to take them out and do the weapons portion and the sparing portion. After that they need to come back in for the jutsu portion of the test." It was concise and to the point.

The man simply nodded before taking out this strange headset with spikes around the ear parts, bringed out a weird device, and inserting a blue crystal into an open slot. Iruna's chakra enhanced ears could pick up the sounds coming from the headphones, but couldn't understand why. And then the man looked down to see Namikaze-Uzumaki Aiko holding his hand with stars in her eyes.

"Can I play with that later Oni-chan?"

"Maybe." Was the gruff reply. Although Iruna noted that he obviously dislikced the honorific, if his reaction to the 'chan' was any indication. "If you make good grades I let you fiddle with it…little sister."

The girl clasped her hands together, gave a squee, and ran to an empty seat right next to a blushing Hinata Hyuga. Who almost fainted from being right next to her crush.

And then what the man called the girl caught up to Iruna. As well as everyone else.

Iruna went on auto-pilot as she handed out the papers. Everyone else did too for that matter. All the while the man had this amused grin on his face from seeing the various reactionary faces.

* * *

The academy courtyard was a wide open space. It was square in shape, with one large (Konoha sized!) tree in the top right corner of the square. The rest was a soccer fields worth of grass and dirt. At the end were the dummies. Fifteen in total. And they were currently riddled with sharp and pointy objects. Curtesy of the kunoichi that actually trained their aiming skills.

Satsuki threw a kick at the man's head as she spun in the air. Again she missed. The man ducked under her, so she twisted in the air and tried to deliver another kick to the man's head straight from above. Again she missed. Landing on her feet she twirled around to try and land a punch to the man's midsection, he simply hopped backwards.

"Remember girl, anything goes." He said nonchalantly as he licked a Popsicle. The mere fact that the man- A man!- wasn't taking her seriously was infuriating to the uchiha girl. She was a prodigy, a woman able to use chakra! This man shouldn't be able to dodge her attacks! And yet he was doing so. She missed and missed and missed. She had not hit him once. No one had. Not a single one of them had. Not even the man's little siblings had been able to hit him.

Satsuki went for a spin kick from the ground, twirling her body like a windmill as she spinned towards him. The man simply hopped over the buzzsaw of feet. The girl flipped to her feet while throwing a hail of shuriken as she sat her body upright. The man simply caught the shuriken through the holes by using his fingers.

"Come on girl, your brother could give me a run for my money and did. Why can't you?" the man taunted. Everyone present sent the man a wide-eyed stare.

If there was one thing that you never did, it was bring up Satsuki's runaway brother. The only male uchiha, and one of the last ones in existence due to the massacre that destroyed all but the uchiha heiress's mother, the young of the clan, and the elderly. It was the most dangerous button of the uchiha heiress's to push.

As such, it was no surprise to many that Satsuki was flashing through hand seals with murder in her eyes.

" **Katon: grand fireball!** " she screamed in rage as a terrifying ball of fire erupted from her mouth. It screeched and tore the land in front of it as it made its way to the man, towering over his height by a good few feet.

Oblivious to everyone's horrified gasps and shrieks to get away, the man grinned as the fireball approached him.

And it engulfed him…Before it was abruptly torn away by a swipe from the man. The grin still on his face. The man in red approached the tired and gasping uchiha girl before patting her on the head. The girl looked up the still alive man. The man was smiling. "You did good." Was all he said.

The black haired girl could only look in shock as he addressed the rest of the females present. "You see that!? That was the intent to kill! Remember it for it's what you will need to feel for this profession! You need to kill, to murder, to tear and rip apart your target. No mercy! There is no such thing as honor in the life of a kunoichi!" he barked to the crowd of female pu-bescents.

Ignoring the wide-eyes and scared-eyes that he was getting from the girls he continued on, "Now get your asses in that building there! It's time for the jutsu portion of the test you walking disappointments! Only six of you little girls actually impressed me!"

The kunoichi hopefuls quickly got to work, lest they be barked and berated at by the extremely intimidating man in red.

The man stayed outside though. He had a clipboard in hand that he was writing on. It should be noted that he was writing at a speed that caused smoke to appear from the symbols he was writing on. When he was done, he walked into the building and handed the clipboard to an Iruna that was giving him a calculating glance.

"Just how strong are you?" she asked as she took the clipboard from his hands. Absently noting that the paper was really warm for some reason.

"In comparison to here, or the rest of the world? I don't know about the former, but I'm in the lower upper echelons for the latter." He replied. Not even bothering to glance at the Chunnin that was giving him a curious glance.

"You grade harshly I noticed."

Naruto snorted. "I've seen the real world. The world beyond these protective walls. They are going to need a serious change in attitude if they want to survive out there. There's bigger dangers out there than simple missing nin, run-away biju, and natural disasters. There are monsters in human skin out there. And I've had my fair share of experience."

The Chunnin shaked her head at the man. "Believe you me; I know just how bad it can be. I couldn't take it. So I stuck to making sure that others could survive out there."

The man said nothing to that. He simply went to wait outside of the academy building and joined the rest of the anxious parents. Most of them giving curious glances to the man in red with the large sword stuck to his back.

He still got weird glances from some of the kunoichi clan heads that had gathered for their children. It was something about the man that seemed familiar to them.

* * *

Naruto was a calm man. He could think a strategy on the fly. He could keep his head level even while being surrounded by blood, guts, intestines, and dismembered body parts (Which he did at one point). He could keep a straight face even while witnessing a couple having sex right in front of him (never again would he ask if he could snuggle with his parents in the middle of the night).

But there was one thing that would always set the gears in his head running. Make his instincts scream with terror. Turn his blood colder than that one goddamn island that that warlord son-of-a-bitch sent him to. Make shivers run down his spine that made him wonder why his spin hadn't broken into shards of ice. Make him tremble in fear at the vey presence of such a creature. Make him piss his pants in fear.

Wait there were two things. There was the lamia he had sex with three years back. He kinda snuck out while it was out cold on the fur mattress with all the fluffy covers and soft pillows. That thing scared the bajesus out of him. Didn't stop him from visiting it again to give it a lacrima phone and his phone number. Her names Chery. She's a pretty nice gal once you get to know her.

Moving on.

The reason for his sudden panic attack? His elder sisters were right behind him.

And they were pissed.

Kyoko Namikaze-Uzumaki: the heiress of the Namikaze clan. C-cup bust, long blonde hair set up in a French braid, and a standard Anbu uniform (Sai's outfit with a jacket that doesn't show off their belly in case you're wondering). And Suki Uzumaki-Namikaze: the heiress of the Uzumaki clan. C-cup bust and short red Hair set up in a spiky style emulating her Ma, and a standard Anbu uniform as well. Both of hectocromatic eyes of blue and green. They are twins. Remember that.

Both of them had their jackets open. Showing some pretty nice cleavage.

Naruto could practically feel the pure feminine rage coming off the two in waves and torrents of malicious intent. If there was one thing that the only male Uzumaki in all of existence feared more than the wrath of his mothers, it was the rage of his elder twin sisters.

So he did the only thing a man in his position could do.

Puss out like a bitch.

Fairy like wings made of pink energy erupted from his back and began to beat furiously. "Fuck this shit, I'm gone!" he yelled out as he took to the air.

" _Oh no you don't mister_!" cried the twins at the same time. The both latched onto a leg each and tried to pull him down. Naruto valiantly tried to shake them off as he slowly rose higher and higher into the air. All the while shaking his legs like he had ants in his pants. And yes, he did have ants in his pants about four years ago.

It was not a pleasant experience.

Needless to say, Minako was amused when she looked out of her window. Witnessing the scene of Naruto trying to throw off his clingy sisters that were always overprotective of him. With a sigh Minako remembered when her son was the shy, adorable little kid that would hide behind his elder sisters when the bullies tried to hurt him.

The hospital bill was enormous. And so was the headache that came with it.

Kyoko and Suki were very much like a duo from Kumo (oh god writing bee has made me rhyme my writes!). They are twins, and practically never leave each other's side. They trained together, fight together, sleep together, eat together…dated the same girl together. They were a package deal, inseparable. And were a practically unstoppable tag-team that had a renowned reputation throughout the elemental nations. Hell, Naruto even heard rumors about them when he was out in Fiore, the country closest to the elemental Nations.

It was then that Minako realized that Naruto had Fairy wings attached to his back, flapping to give the man a higher altitude in the air.

With a sigh, she sat back down. "Manly skillset of awesome my ass…" she muttered in reference to the dinner conversation from yesterday.

* * *

To many citizens of Konohagakure, seeing the two esteemed Uzumaki and Namikaze heirs hanging off the waist of a literally flying man with a large sword on his back was something that caused many of them to have flashbacks to a time when Kushina was still in her prankster days.

Let it never be said that they would forget the day of the raining fire chickens.

So fucking delicious.

"Get off me you two!"

" _We don't wanna_!" the two of them said in a childish voice, akin to that of a whining child.

"C'mon! It was only thirteen years!"

" _Thirteen years of crying and sadness while you were gone_!"

"Oi! No trying to guilt trip me! Now get off already! You two are making a scene!"

"NO! You're going to take our hugs and be tied up in the house never to leave again!" Suki shouted as her hair went into nine strands of tails, all the while in the air.

"It's a dangerous world out there Oni-chan! We only want to protect you!" Kyoko added. Her braided hair snaking up and coiling itself around Naruto's waste.

"I HAVE FUCKING FAIRY WINGS FLAPPING FROM MY BACK! YOUR ARGUMETNS ARE INVALID!"

" _Just let us tie you down so that you can never leave us again!_ "

To say that the people of Konohagakure no Sato were amused would be the understatement of the year.

Especially to the laughing forms of Aiko and Mithra. Who were back at the academy with their newly obtained headbands attached to their heads. Iruna however, was standing in the doorway of the academy entrance smirking at the scene in the air above her and everyone standing in the academy courtyard.

Naruto was pissed. He had excepted this. However, it didn't make it any less annoying. He knew that his sisters would react this way. The always were a little…overzealous with their protective habits. They would always sleep with their beloved little brother after he came to them instead of their parents.

They never let go of him after that. Every time he went out, one of the duo would be shadowing him. After he had gotten bullied that one time, they would always stick by his side. It got to the point that they would leave a shadow clone at the academy just so that they would be able to stay by his side.

Not that he minded. Having to big sisters that he had a crush on staying with him everywhere he went was nice. Being protected by said big sisters? That was the added bonus. It was hard for him to leave them, more so than his parents, to go out into the world in order to become stronger. While out there in the ruins of Yulia city, Naruto had given up on his childish crush when he had finished reading the second part of Luke Fon Fabre's journal.

While he admired his elder sisters (by two years!) Drive to protect him, to go so far as to keep him as nothing but a prisoner. But now, he found their dedication…an annoyance. So with hardened eyes, he glided off into the direction of the nearest training ground. All the while trying to shake off his dear sisters.

They never let go. It would seem that he was going to have to do this the hard way.

Training ground twenty seven was a training ground designed to look like a pondish area. It was a forested area with a clearing in the center. However 90% of the clearing was actually a small lake. In the center of the lake was a strip of land shaped like that of a circle. It was there that Naruto grabbed both of his sisters heads, startling them, and threw them off of his person as he was ten feet in the air.

The twins flipped in the air and landed on the water surrounding the circle. The two were wide eyed as their little brother landed on the circle of land with hard eyes. When his sisters got back onto their own two feet, he made a simple gesture. It was a simple one. A universal symbol for 'come at me'.

Suki almost wanted to laugh. Their little brother was challenging the two of them to a duel. Well, if his come at me gesture was anything to go by, then he actually thought that he had a chance against the two of them.

And so, with a simple nod to their respective twin, the two of them dashed forward using the speed of a shinobi to take down their younger sibling as fast as they could.

Naruto hunched forward as Suki came at him from the front. Her hand going to the tanto on her back. She flipped in midair and swung at the man in red, her intention clearly to maim.

After all, her brother can't get away from her if he was too injured to do so…And nothing was faster than a shinobi so all was good right?

Well, to Suki's surprise, her little brother simply grabbed her Tanto with his hand, stopping her dead in her tracks.

"Suki, Suki, Suki…oh, and you two Kyoko." He began as a grin appeared on his features. "You're going to have to do better than that!" he roared as he swung the tanto to the side, the owner of the weapon still clinging onto it, and barreling right into Kyoko, who was sneaking up behind her brother so as to perform a checkmate. A tag maneuver the twins did.

One goes to the front and distracts the target, while the other sneaks up from behind. Simple and effective.

When the twins crashed into each other they were sent sprawling onto the watery surface, using chakra subconsciously to stay on the surface of the aqua surface. When the two got up, they gave a look to each other.

"We're going with that combo?" asked Kyoko.

"We are. Our adorable little brother needs to learn his place…" answered Suki.

"Well…he's not really adorable like he was all those years ago…I'd say he's more on the lines of a gruff handsomeness…" Kyoko pointed out with a finger on her chin. A thoughtful look crossing her face.

"Well you definantly have that right…I miss our adorable little brother…" Suki responded with a pout.

Naruto however, was growing impatient. "This is a fight ya know! We're supposed to be trying to maim and kill each other here!" he yelled out to his two elder sisters.

" _But we don't want to kill you! Just maim you Oni-chan_!"

"How long do I have to say it…stop calling me that ridiculous name! I fucking hate honorifics! JUST FUCKING FIGHT ALREADY!" he roared out. His body in a 'come at me bro!' pose. Its message clear. He wanted a challenge.

A dark look found its way onto the twin's sisters faces, both of them. They had never heard their little brother curse or yell at them in such a way. They were used to 'help me!', 'play with me!', and 'I had a nightmare!'.

They had never been told to shut up and fight him.

" _Watch your language and let us maim you so we can keep you safe in our home!_ " they shouted as they began to flash through hand seals together. Water visibly rising from the force of their outrage.

Naruto could only sweatdrop at their choice of wording. " _So they're going to hurt me and probably cripple me for life…just to keep me in the house? That has to be stupider than that bobobo guy I ran into a while back…_ "

Let's just say that that was one encounter that had forever scared Naruto and leave it at that.

The twins had finished their handseals and had begun to launch their jutsu. All that was left was to say the name and the technique would be whole.

" ** _Water-lighting release: Aquatic Thunder Hydra!_** "

Around the two Heiresses, water flowed up at a rapid pace. Practically the entire small lake was made to be the medium for the technique as nine torrents of water shaped into nine dragon heads of destructive power. Electricity coursing through the entirety of the all the dragon heads, the water acting as the body for the electrical charges to flow through with little to no resistance.

Naruto merely raised an eyebrow at the technique. It was a collaboration jutsu that had to take a shitload of chakra. And judging by the panting forms of his elder sisters behind the thunder hydra, it did.

With a mighty roar, the water beast thundered at Naruto, its malicious intent to harm him clearly visible. The man simply grinned as he grasped the handle of the sword on his back. Naruto brought his greatsword off of the magnet that held it onto his back. He brought the sword to his front, holding the handle with both of his hands.

The steel of the blade visibly darkened a color black than the silver sheen of the blade as Naruto dug his feet into the ground. The man's knees bended to give the man more power for when he inevitably swinged his mighty blade. As the nine heads approached, Naruto simply grinned as he thrust his blade forward for a piercing attack, white light coalescing around the tip of the blade and forming a spear of white shining light. The sword met the nine hydra heads all at once as water splashed about and the landscape visibly rocked.

" **Arcane arte: Light Spear Cannon!** " Naruto shouted as his blade pierced the water and thunder combination Jutsu created by his elder sisters. His sword acting as a shield from the technique. The nine heads split themselves upon the tip of the blade, where the white light had formed into a spear. The remains of the splitted heads jutting in all directions like a geyser as Naruto ran forward, his blade held in both hands in front of him as he charged through the collaboration Jutsu.

Eventually, Naruto made it the water hydra technique, and was floating on the surface of the water thanks to his pink fairy wings that had sprouted from his back once again. The two sisters, still in shock, were too late to react when Naruto was already in motion. Swinging his sword with the flat of his blade, he hit Suki in the chest. Sending her flying into a tree. Which caused a coconut to fall out of said tree and land on her head. Completely and utterly knocked out cold.

Naruto Immedianlty turned around, not even trying to see if Suki was still conscious, and swung his blade in an overhead arc toward Kyoko. The Namikaze heiress barely managed to unseal a kunai from a seal on her fingertip, and block her aggressors blade. Her knees buckled under the sheer power and weight of the swing from her opponent.

Suki acted quickly, substituting with a nearby log in order to get away from her, now to her eyes, powerful younger brother. As Naruto smashed the log with his sword, Suki began to hide in the trees in order to but time to formulate a plan of action against Naruto.

She was honestly not expecting this. Sure, she obviously knew her brother could defend himself judging by the muscles and the sword on his back. But she never expected for him to be able to knock Kyoko out and push her to exhaustion. Never mind that the two of them used a jutsu that was chakra taxing even for an Uzumaki.

Naruto floated in the air, his wings flapping softly as he cupped his ear with his hand. He stayed like that for a while. To suki, the observer in the trees, it was obvious he was trying to find her by way of sound. So she obliged him. She reached into her back Kunai pouch, the one hanging off left leg, and grabbed an explosive note. She lit it up with a small application of chakra and hurled it off into the distance.

The distracting explosion worked. Naruto was put on guard. He grasped his blade with both of his hands and held the blade in front of him. While the albert-style was one that focused on a one-hand sword style with mixed martial arts thrown in, Naruto tended to use his own blending of the swordstyle. Switching from pure swordsmanship, to pure martial arts, and on a few occasions he actually used the one-handed sword style of the Alberts.

Suki jumped from tree to tree as silently as she could, taking care to not set her brother off as she cast a subtle Genjutsu on him. The genjutsu in question was one that worked off the recipients nerves. Increasing stress and battle nerves to make it more likely that the prey will slip up.

Naruto stood there, in the air, twitching every now and then. Coming to the quick conclusion that he was under a genjutsu of sorts. It would explain why he was so worked up over the fight and why he was sweating so much.

Having fought enough illusion specialist Mages in his tenure in Fiore had made him aware of his situation. He simply shifted his sword to one hand, and pricked his hand on the blade itself to bring himself out of the genjutsu that he was in.

It was too late however as Suki was already behind him. Surprised by the fact that he didn't see her coming, he was too late to react as his elder sister wrapped her arms around him and bound him together with the Uzumaki **Adamantine Sealing Chains**. She then began to spin around as the two descended to the ground. Naruto's struggle against the chains were for naught as his sister broke off just before the impact with the circular landmass.

And what I mighty crash it was. Naruto wasn't buried beneath the land like so many other victims of the **Frontal Lotus**. But rather he was smashed into the very earth itself. As such, his form was slightly broken and in a lot of pain.

Suki landed on her feet like a cat just as her brother's sword landed pointy side down beside his crumpled form. Her smirk soon became a frown however, when she saw her brother slowly rise up. He grabbed his sword and heaved it so it was lying against his shoulder. He slammed his free fist into the ground, causing a strange magical circle to appear around him.

" **Arcane arte: Guardian Field**! **"** he roared. His bruises and scratches from the hold the spiked chains had on him visibly healing before Suki's eyes.

The circle soon disappeared. Naruto slowly stood up; Suki too shocked by what she saw to do anything. The only male Uzumaki/Namikaze looked at his sister with a grin.

"Not bad! I've had worse done to me…but that was a pretty good move!" he laughed out. And then his eyes took a dangerous shine. "But now…it's my turn…"

With that ominous statement said, Naruto grabbed the handle of his blade with both of his hands. His knees bent for added thrusting power as he pulled his sword back. The blade level with his shoulder blades, in a position that looked like the stage before a thrust.

" **Radiant Dragon!** " the man cried out as he thrust his blade forward. Twins streams of light erupted from the blade, crisscrossing and intersecting together like DNA as they merged into one sharp arrowhead that flied towards Suki, who was still recovering from the **Frontal Lotus** that she pulled off.

The Kunoichi didn't even try to block or substitute to get out of the way of the shining projectile. She simply tried to dodge to the side to get out of the way. Key word being tried here. She got out of the way, but the technique scrapped against the side of her stomach, drawing blood.

The girl was tired. Having used a chakra intensive Jutsu, and while coupled with the fact that her brother was still fine and dandy after having tacked a dangerous double-edged Taijutsu maneuver made Suki realized that she and her sister had severely underestimated their brother. And now she was slightly wounded. A recipe for disaster if she continued.

If the two of them had tried to fight the battle like it was a mission target, working him down slowly using carefully calculated techniques and tag-team maneuvers, then they probably would have won. But they had rushed headlong into the fight, not believing that their weak little brother would put up a fight.

She was too drained to see Naruto rush up to her and deliver a powerful uppercut to her person. While she was in the air, her brother did a backflip and smashed his foot into her stomach hard enough to make spittle flow from her mouth, slamming her back to the ground. Her brother landed with his back towards her. His sword resting on his shoulder as he gave her a simple pointed look.

"Not bad. But next, don't underestimate me big sis. It's kinda embarrassing to see the girl who shoved a bully up another kid's ass to protect me broken on the ground before my eyes." He simply said as he walked over to Suki. A small smile on his face. The Namikaze heiress was too flabbergasted to do anything but refuse the hand that was helping her up.

"How…" she muttered. Catching the attention of her brother. "How did you get to be so strong…?" she asked. Her voice a whisper in the winds of the world.

A breeze flowed through the clearing. Shacking the grass and ruffling the leaves in the trees. Stirring up the water in the lake as birds flew overhead.

"I simply have something worthy to protect." He stated. His voice carrying out into the clearing. Reaching the stirring body of the Uzumaki heiress.

He stood still in the middle of the clearing. The winds picking making his red coat flutter as the breeze flowed over him. He pointed to the trees, "The village I love."

He pointed to the birds in the sky. Not even taking his eyes off of Suki. "The animals that live in it."

He looked to the sky. "The land I was born into."

He gestured with his free hand to the area around them. "The beauty of my home."

He pointed to the direction of the village. A smile present on his face. "The village that was always gives its smiles to me."

And then he gazed at Suki and Kyoko. Who were now standing side by side. "But do you want to know the reason I left to become stronger?"

Both girls nodded. Too enraptured by his monologue to speak up. the male Uzumaki humbly put his sword on his back, the magnet strapping it to his person. He walked calmly towards his elder sisters. He then put one hand on one of their shoulders. "It's because I loved my family too much to be weak."

The girls smiled and hugged him. He hugged them back. Strongly I might add. Like he would never be able to hold them ever again. "I missed you two ya know?" he whispered.

" _We did too…_ " the replied as the hugged back even harder.

The only male of his bloodline could only sweatdrop. "How the hell do you two still do that?"

" _Trade Secret Oni-chan!"_ they replied in sing-song.

"Goddamnit! How many times to I have to tell you stop calling me that!"

" _We're never going to stop calling you that!_ " the replied. Hugging even harder. As if to try and give their little brother death by hug.

"Stop calling me that! It's an annoying nickname to call me and I hate it!" he yelled out as he tried valiantly to escape the crushing hold his sisters were giving him.

" _You never told us that when you were still four!_ " came the overly cheerful reply.

"That's because back then I used to have a childish crush on the two of you!"

" _Well we want that crush to come back! That way we call share the same bed and-_ "

"I don't want to hear it you two! Let me go already! Mithra and Aiko have already graduated! I need to take them back to the house for dinner!"

" _NO! Not until you confess your love for us! And then we can get on to planning the wedding and-_ "

"YOU TWO ARE FUCKING DELUSIONAL!"

It would continue on like this for next few hours. Eventually Minako and Kushina would come across the scene of Naruto trying to console his crying elder sisters over the fact that he would not be sharing a bed with the two of them for fear of them molesting him in the middle of the night.

Minako was highly amused. Kushina was not.

* * *

 **AND THATS A WRAP PEOPLE. well I may as well update people on my other idea that's a writing in progress as of this moment. I am going to be doing a fourth story. a digimon/Naruto fic. its about how Naruto died via attempted suicide and was reborn by anubismon into a puttimon in the digital world. its going to be an angewomon! Naruko x Beelzemon fic that is mostly going to be about Naruko's adventures in the digital world. its not going to be a digital world from any of the seasons. rather, its going to be my own version of the place. and I am going to do my damndest best to make the digital world its own place. Im going to make that place feel alive. its not going to be just a place were digital monsters roam about and kill each other. there are going to be cities, countries, tribes, cultures, you name it. All the while Naruko lives her life in the digital world as a digimon.**

 **wish me luck people!**

 **AND THATS ALL SHE WROTE!**

 **CUE THE AIRHORNS!**

 **BABABABWAAAAAAA!**


	3. The woes of the Adventurer

**Hala-fucking-lulay! I got this done. this chapter has no fight scenes. Bit its more of montage of different scenes that give you an idea of what Naruto's life in Konoha is like. from all the women, to all the woes.**

 **I will most likely do either a black flames update, or a heart of a digimon update. we are not getting an I don't think mom wanted me to be a ninja update for a while...a month at most. I have a lot to cover in that chaoer. I am literallt doing all of the first round of fights in one chapter. from the fight scenes to the character interations, to the reactions, to the explanation of the pokemon jinchuriki powers, like Luke's void abilities and Rias's magnetic powers.**

 **I don't own anything except this story, the content it holds, the sexy beard that sits on my face, that adorable puppy in my lap, and jug of mountain dew I liberated from your fridge.**

* * *

 **Chapter three: the woes of being Naruto Uzumaki-Namikaze, the adventurer.**

 _"_ _This jungle is too damn similar to the forest of death back home…" muttered a fourteen year old Naruto as he used his ground-cracking strength to leap from branch to branch, the sheer size of the trees themselves making it so that he had no problem actually landing on one and going to the next._

 _The trees were simply humongous, twice the size of a regular couch, and curved every which way and that. As he flipped from one branch to another, a volley of arrows with a heart shaped stone point crashed and pulverized the spot he was at originally._

 _Naruto did not bother with looking back at his pursuers. If they were firing arrows then he was no closer to losing him than he was before. He was impressed with the size of the wildlife though…not every day he gets to cut a giant boar to pieces and devour the whole thing over a campfire. Although he was less than pleased with the locales._

 _"_ _Cease with your running! You cannot escape from the island! Surrender to us and let us take you in!" came a shout from a feminine voice behind the crimson-blonde. `_

 _Naruto actually obliged with that order, stopping his tree leaping on the ground. Turning around, he had to look up to see his pursuers standing on a large curved branch on the high ground, the lush moos and plant life covering what should be just tree bark in a green covering._

 _His pursuers were women, beautiful women…in leather bikini outfits. If they bothered to wear clothes at all. One was topless, another was actually naked. Naruto ignored them all and stared into the eyes of the leader of huntresses, showing that he was giving her his full undivided attention._

 _She smirked at him when she saw that he had stopped. "So you're giving up? A shame…I was beginning to enjoy our little chase…although I am curious…"_

 _Naruto made no move other than to put his sword hand on the handle of the blade on his back, his knees bending in anticipation for combat. The other hunter girls tensed in preparation, all sixteen of them pointing locked arrows at him from their higher ground._

 _"_ _Why is it that when we executed the men on that merchant ship you were on, you didn't even bat an eye at us…almost all of the men that see us act like the pigs they are…but you didn't. And I want to know what quality about made you like that." She stated while nocking an arrow into her bow._

 _"_ _I was born and raised in the Elemental Nations, the continent of Kunoichi. I had two older sisters, and I literally have two mothers. I only ever saw two other men in my village; the rest were women. And considering I was constantly dragged into the woman's side of the hot spring and a multitude of other experiences that exposed me to the female body…I'm pretty much desensitized to female nudity. I'm more comfortable around women than I am men." The crimson blonde teenager explained._

 _The leader of the hunt, as well as all the other women present blinked owlishly at that statement. They were expecting many things…but that one was surprisingly unexpected and soundly logical. So he had two sisters, grew up in a village with 99% women, had a lot of skinship with them, and had two mothers._

 _Wait what? Two mothers?_

 _"_ _How the hell did that happen?" the leader hunter blurted out. The tension being slightly removed with that admission; Naruto eased up on his stance, in turn causing the other women present to do the same._

 _"_ _Well…there's kinda a technique to allow a women to reproduce with another women in the Elemental Nations…it's a closely guarded secret though so don't get your hopes up."_

 _The huntress bit her lip, weighing her options. On one hand, the boy wasn't really that bad compared to the men from the ship…and he is being rather honest with them. On the other, he is a male. And the law of the island specifically stated that no male was allowed on the island. But then again…he was from a continent were the female to male ration was pretty much 99:1._

 _She would take the risk. He may be able to prove an asset and net them some relations with this kunoichi continent._

 _"_ _Male…how would you like to come to the village of the island Amazon Lily?" asked the hunter as she put down her bow. While signaling the others to do the same._

 _And like that, Naruto dropped his grip on his swords handle._

 _"_ _Meh. Sure." He said with a neutral expression. And then it turned into a frown. "But on one condition."_

 _The huntress's eyes narrowed. "And what condition would that be?" she asked frostily. Here she was offering a once in a lifetime sight to a man, and he had the gall to ask her of something?"_

 _"…_ _could I have something to cover myself with? Not that I mind being in the buff, but it's quite chilly out here."_

 _Oh. Well that was understandable. It was the winter season after all…despite it normally being warm throughout the calm belt; it was slightly chilly today for some reason._

 _And like that, Naruto Uzumaki-Namikaze was the first ever man to walk into the village of Amazon Lily. The very same village he would spend a year and a half at before leaving for the magic land of Fiore…despite the protests of the islands inhabitants._

* * *

"So you mean there is a literal highway in hell called route 666? And that you escaped hell by riding a…motorcycle through it while dodging hordes of different demons and monsters?" Asked an incredulous Anko as she fiddled with a kunai. Her elbow on the table of the establishment.

"This is probably the fifth time I've told this story…and yes, there is a literal highway to hell and back called route 666." Was the curt reply from the crimson-blonde swordsman as juggled three balls with one hand lazily.

"Do you still have the motorcycle thing? Cuz' a metal machine with a silver human skull at the front of it sounds really awesome to have." She said with a grin. Sparkles dancing in her eyes as she threw the kunai behind her carelessly, eliciting a shriek from the girl whom had her skirt suddenly fall off of her.

Naruto nodded as he examined his great sword for any chips or scratches on the blade. There were none. The perks of having your sword enhanced with magic to be super-duper durable. "Yeah I still have the motorcycle from hell…the only problem is that it uses rage as fuel. And I'm a pretty tame guy. You kinda have to try to piss me off." He said off handily.

That put a happy happy smile on Anko's face. "So you have to have a murder boner to drive the thing? Sounds like my kinda transportation."

Naruto chuckled as he re-sheathed his impressive blade. "I'll be sure to grab you when I get that pissed off at something. Maybe we could go hunting for a certain snake?"

Suddenly he found Anko's hands snaking down his chest, fondling his well-earned muscles that genetics may or may not have played a part in. The point is he is really buff and ripped through thirteen years of hard work and training. "If that's your idea of a date then your warming your way into this woman's heart…" she whispered into his ear.

Not even fazed by the sexy, Naruto only chuckled under his breath. "I was earnest there you know. I heard that she has the kusanagi. And I kinda want to see how good she would be with that blade…if she has even earned the right to use it. Plus it would allow us to get rid of a village traitor." He explained with a straight face.

Anko was suddenly sitting back next to him, pouting adorably as she crossed her arms. "And here I thought that you wanted to help little old me in mutilating the bitch." She said childishly as crocodile tears fell from her eyes.

Naruto simply started to pet her on the head while nodding sagely. An action that made the scene a rather surreal sight. But was just another afternoon in the life of Naruto Uzumaki-Namikaze.

* * *

Strike, swipe, sweep, leap backwards, lunge, spin slash, rising diagonal swing, descending axe-swing, rising leap ascending slash, falling high kick, landing spin slash, leap backwards, windmill crash strike.

Rinse and repeat. But add more strikes and swipes each time. Again and again. This was the cycle by which Naruto swung his sword around. Normally such an exercise wouldn't tire him out, but he had been going at it for the past four hours. Sweat glistened off of his shirtless, muscular body as he worked overtime to sharpen his sword swings.

He didn't ask for a training partner simply because the first time he did, he broke the cat masked Anbu's sword with but a simple swing when she tried to deflect, not parry, the slash. Of course it was probably because the Uzumaki-Namikaze male didn't know how to hold back or knew the meaning of restraint.

He at least found kinship in those two kunoichi in spandex. Now those two knew how to train! Above and beyond the limits of possibilities. Tying boulders to your wrists and ankles while climbing a cliff face…that's the kind of stuff you find on the grand line!

It was a nice time joining them during their three hour long morning jog. Although he honestly couldn't understand what the point of the green spandex was…but he did understand the shouts about the springtime of youth. He met a similar man during his time on the grand line. Maybe a distant family member?

Naruto stopped and stabbed his sword point down into the earth, a dull shake rocking the area from the impact of the heavy training sword crashing through the earth. Naruto stretched his body as a groan escaped his lips. He then stopped and turned around, landing his gaze on a tree behind him.

"You can come out now. I know you've been watching me." He said gruffly as he continued to stretch out his aching and protesting muscles.

From behind the tree walked out the form of Satsuki Uchiha. The Uchiha heiress had short ebony black hair tied up into a bun that doubled as a ponytail. Essentially looking like a round ball of black hair that ended in a long river of hair. Although the 'river' part was cut short. She wore a simple blue shirt with white cloth like armguard things on her arms. She wore simple white shorts and blue shinobi sandals. Her headband was on her forehead, with two black bangs of hair in perfect symmetry on either side of the metal plate.

Naruto raised an eyebrow. So the Uchiha heiress was stalking him now? Just great…he had enough of those from his travels around the world.

"How do you know my brother?" she rudely demanded. A scowl across from face as she haughtily crossed her arms.

Oh. Actually that's a much better reason to watch him work out. But she was being a rude little thing. May as well make it hard for her.

Naruto simply shrugged his shoulders, bringing to attention the chest muscles on his body, as well as the scars littering his body. "He's a guy I met on the grand line. Pretty damn good with them firearms."

"Firearms? He set his arms on fire again?" the thirteen year old asked incrediusly. An exasperated look forming on her face.

Again? While he did see itachi do some pretty weird stuff with a straight face he didn't think that he had set his arms on fire when he was younger…

"No. fire arms as in the metal shooty things." Naruto corrected with a sweatdrop. What was it with Uchiha's and fire? He knew Itachi had an arson streak, it was the thing that gave him his wanted poster at the whopping age of eight, but did he really set his arms on fire? It would explain the bandages around his arms…that would imply that he had done it more than once.

The Uchiha heiress tilted her head in confusion at that rebuke. "So he has metal arms that shoot things?". It would seem that the kunoichi world had yet to even hear about the weapons of the seas and the rest of the world. Understandable given the constant state of war among the Elemental Nations.

Naruto almost slapped his face due to the girl's ignorance…or was it the entire Elemental Nations ignorance? "No you child…a firearm is a weapon that shoots metal balls at high speeds and can kill from a distance with lethal effectiveness." He explained.

The girl scowled at the child comment as she poked her headband with her thumb. "See this? It means I am a full adult by the village's standards." She said with pride and a smirk on her face.

Naruto scoffed. "You're not an adult until you've had your first kill, as well as have gotten laid." He said dismally as he crossed muscular his arms.

The girl blushed after he said his sentence however. Making Naruto stare at the girl with confused eyes. "Did they make you take one final test or something I didn't know about?" he inquired. Dreading the possible answer he would receive.

"It was kinda part of the seduction resistance training they had us do…" she said with a blush while poking her fingers together.

Naruto just looked at her with a blank stare. "Dear god…your sis-con of a brother is going to have a fit when he hears about that. Probably go on a murder spree because someone 'Defiled my adorable little sister'." He said with air quotes.

The Uchiha heiress stared at him with wide eyes when he said that. Hesitantly she asked him a simple question. "He…he would do that for me?"

Naruto looked at her with a calculative glance. The girl wilted underneath it before he relented. "The man would go to hell and back for his family. Last I talked with him he said he would be heading home in around the fall season." He explained as he turned back around and grabbed his sword, pulling it out of the ground and continuing on with his sword shadow boxing.

He heard a small "Thank you." from behind him as he did three straight thrusts with his training blade. He did not respond to the girl, but a smile did find its way onto his face.

* * *

"…and it was after that he asked me if I wanted a drink."

"Did you agree?"

"I kinda coughed up blood and all that, but yeah I agreed."

"…even after you took a punch from him? The strongest man in the world?"

"…Yep."

"Are you fucking crazy? From what your describing, it sounds like you were literally about to die."

"I kinda did during that party. Twice. I think they had to get the whole shock the heart into life again thing about…five times?"

"ARE YOU FUCKING STUPID!? I DID NOT RAISE YOU TO DO SOMETHING SO IDIOTIC LIKE THAT YOUNG MAN!"

Naruto shrunk back into his chair as his mother berated him for what seemed like the third time of the day. All she simply asked was if he could tell her some more tails from his travels. However, as is the rules with interesting stories, all of them were pretty much about him doing something stupid.

"How could you be so stupid!? And to think you didn't even get a scar from him! That is the only thing I can take solace in!" she screamed as she threw around furniture in the living room of the mansion.

Naruto sweatdropped as he held up his hands in front of himself defensively. "Actually, the scar that goes from my face and down my torso, I got from him. His punch, while not at full strength, kinda almost split me in half." He explained with a cheeky smile.

For seconds silence reigned. And then-

"HE FUCKING WHAT!?"

Naruto sighed as the couch was thrown towards him. And then a flashback of the same thing happening when he was four years old popped into his mind.

"Ah, memor- *thwack*". And he fell over unconscious, body sprawled on the floor.

* * *

On the grand line, on a large boat, a large old man with multiple machines and hot blonde nurses surrounding him sneezed.

"I think I somehow pissed off a woman that I probably shouldn't have" he said in between chugs of large copious amounts of alcohol.

"What makes you say that pops?" asked a random pirate milling about on deck.

"Lay with enough women and you grow to have a certain seventh sense that tells you when you've pissed one off." Was the gruff reply.

 _Especially Uzumaki women_ he though with a shudder. Flashbacks of the greatest beating he ever had flashing through his mind.

* * *

"Damn, you're still as beautiful as the last time I saw you granny." He said with a smile as the busty blonde fifty year old patched him up. His body was covered head to toe in the white bandages.

"Hmph. Flattery will get you no were brat. Although it is nice to see you again so soon after you visited me yesterday. Why didn't anyone tell me you were back?" she said as she wrapped his arm in the white casting.

"My return was kinda hush hush at the beginning. And then the gossipers talked about how I got back…and of how I'm apparently a desirable husband candidate despite being male. I was meaning to ask, but what's up with that?" he asked as he laid down on the hospital bed to rest his aching body.

Tsunade smirked as she set down her clipboard. Sitting down in her chair as her bust noticeably jiggled and moved. "Well apparently you've gone from an adorable little boy, to a young man with a rather impressive body…all for the sake of getting the power to protect the ones you've cared about. We girls find that dedication to be impressive you know?"

Naruto fixed a bored glare at her. "And the things I've been hearing about the current clan heads that happen to be single?"

Tsunade smirked as she leaned down and gave the man a good view of her giant cleavage. However, his eyes never left hers. A sign that he was giving his full undivided attention…either that or he just could not be distracted by the sexy. "Those ladies simply find that your body has strong genetics that they could pass down onto their children…and you're physically pleasing to the eye to boot." She added as an afterthought.

Naruto groaned as he closed his eyes, not being able to see Tsunade get up from her chair and stand over him with a smile on her face. "But do I really have to deal with the stalkers? I've had enough girls chasing me from my various travels. Hell, I had an entire island chasing after me!"

"You know," she began, "Most men would give both of their arms to be in your position." She said with mirth in her voice.

Naruto opened his eyes to glare at Tsunade, who was hovering over him. Her cleavage threatening to fall out of her vest/tank top thing. "And I would give an eye just to be out of it. Oh wait, I did. Crazy girl wouldn't leave me alone unless I gave a piece of me."

Tsunade stood straight up when she heard that, wide eyed as she stared into Naruto's eyes. Both of them were a brilliant shade of blue. Except for the one in his right eye socket. That eye was not the same bright blue shade that the left was. It was simply a darker shade of blue, but close enough to the shade of the left one that it was easy enough to mistake them for the same without a closer inspection.

"How?" She asked. Minako and Naruto's shade of blue was unique among the shinobi world. But to get one so close to that shade…

Naruto simply pointed to his right eye with his thumb. "Magic can pretty much do anything. Even more so than chakra. Regrowing an eye with a sample of my DNA was actually pretty simple for that old hag to do." he then smiled at Tsunade. "Porlyusica is an amazing medic, been at it longer than you have. And she can give you a damn good run in turns of expertise and ability." He said with a grin.

"She can regrow missing body parts?" Tsunade asked in wonder and Amazement.

Naruto shaked his head. "No, she can regrow small things like an eye and a nose. But an arm or a leg? The amount of nerves she has to work with when making one is simply too much for her. She does the next best thing. Making a fully functional prosthetic limb that can do everything the previous limb can do and then some." He explained to the busty medic.

Tsunade folded her arms with a smirk. "Well then…I'm going to need to pay this Porlyusica a visit in the future. Maybe trade some notes with her if I can." She stated with a smirk.

Naruto smiled at the busty blonde medic. "While that's nice and all, can I go back home now? I don't want to miss dinner ya know?"

Tsunade leered at Naruto like she was a cat that just found a mouse to play with. "Nonono, doctors' orders. You are to stay here at let me take of you…" she stated with an ever widening smile as she sat on the hospital bed with a predatory grin.

Naruto groaned when he realized what she was doing. He had to deal with enough of that when he was recovering on that old man's ship after taking that punch.

"Now let me take care of you little boy, take deep breaths and let me feel your heartbeat…"

* * *

"Old man Teuchi, how the hell do I deal with all this?" breathed out a bandaged and tired Naruto as he sat down at the Ichiraku ramen stand.

Said old man was a chef that seemed to have brock vision as he boiled a bunch of noodles in a pan. "Frankly son, I don't know whether what you have is a curse or a blessing." He stated gruffly as he flipped the contents of the pan into a broth.

"But I don't want it! I have women of all shaped and sizes after me!" the crimson-blond cried out as Teuchi placed a ramen bowl in front of the despairing boy.

"All. Shapes. And. Sizes! From snake people, to amazons, to vampires, a freaking goddess, dark matter, living slime, ghosts, scorpions, giants, fairies, freaking Titania( literal fairy queen), princesses and queens, kunoichi, dragons, aliens, demons, angels, old people, and even my own two older sisters!" he wailed as he stuffed his face with his chosen sad time food.

"Dark matter? I've only heard legends that say they are the physical embodiment of lust…" muttered the old ramen stand owner.

"I felt it! Every single one of them! For the love of all that is right and unholy, I need a break!" he screamed as he slammed his head against the hardwood counter of the ramen stand.

"You banged your own sisters? I know your pretty much the most desired person in the Elemental Nations…scratch that, a majority of the world, but really? Your own sisters? I thought you could hold yourself back." He said with disappointment in his voice.

"Shut your trap Izanagi, I have had to run and hide from those two ever since they returned. The amount of times they have tried to molest me…I would never wish such an ill fate upon anyone." The crimson-blond retorted.

The old man narrowed his eyes at the lad. "You would best watch when you say my name instead of my alias. I would rather not spill your innards all over my humble little ramen stand. You're lucky I put an illusion over us so that we could talk in private."

In response, Naruto only laughed. "You wouldn't kill me for that. You would only do that if I hurt your daughter. And I would die before I'm forced to do that…it's why you tolerate my disrespect towards you ya wrinkly piece of shit."

Teuchi, or rather, Izanagi, snorted at the boy. Crossing his arms as he went back to making another bowl of ramen for the boy that declared his cooking to be 'the food of the gods' and guessed right. Maybe that was why he had a soft spot for the boy?

"So how many?"

"How many what?"

"How many women did you dance the bedsheet tango with?"

Naruto gagged and choked on the Ramen that he just swallowed before those words. Holding his stomach as his disbelief vanished. "What the fuck old man? You just don't ask that kind of question!"

The old god had an amused smirk on his face as he heard those words. "C'mon, folks like you are so rarely born. And considering that I know for a fact that you're not a virgin…so how many? I kinda need to hear this. I haven't been getting any action since my ex-wife."

Naruto glared at the god for a good few seconds before answering. "1,649." He answered pitifully.

The old god dropped his pan in shock at hearing that number. "For the love of me kid! How the hell did you achieve that by not selling yourself out as a manwhore!?"

Naruto wilted at that. Izanagi stared at the man before him in pity. "You had to have started at around the age of ten or nine to achieve that number. Kid…I pity you."

"Hey, times were hard! And it was easy money!"

Izanagi snorted as he willed the spilled noodles to make themselves pure of the dirt that was on them. "Like hell that's your only reasoning. I've heard tales from that Aphrodite girl about the size of your dick. I'm pretty damn sure that you were blessed upon your birth by some random love goddess."

"Uhh…eight inches isn't normal?"

"Nah. It's just the maximum size most human woman can take. Some females die with getting nailed by something the size of ten or thirteen inches."

"Oh." And that was all he could say really. Silence went on for a bit before he remembered that was talking to a god that was pretty damn high up in the hierarchy.

"Hey old man…is there any way I can get my sisters to stop…you know, trying to molest me? Stop them from being so fixated on me. I can deal with them trying to mutilate or maim me, I've dealt with that. But the attempted rape? It's kinda hard to ignore that without seeing something wrong in them."

A bowl of noodles clattered in front of the man before he indulged himself upon the literal food of the gods.

"There's a witch out in wave country. She can probably help ya for a price. Although knowing your track record, its gonna involve some of what your used to…Adonis Polebreaker." He said with a smirk at the end.

Naruto froze when he heard that alias of his. He hadn't heard that since his tenure in Fiore…and for a very specific reason.

"How…how do you know that? And don't say it's because you're a god, I know that you don't bother with learning about the world. Or stalking the adventures of certain people. You prefer to hear the story straight from the adventurer themselves." Naruto said with narrowed eyes and glared straight into the blue and gold eyes of the old god.

The ramen chef simply smirked with a smile full of mirth. "My daughter says that you can really shake that moneymaker. Apparently she got a front row seat to it all…"

"Ayame! How could you!? It was one time! One time I tell you! I'm not a manwhore!" he screamed out, down on his knees like darth Vader when he did that long ass 'NOOOOOOOO!'.

Meanwhile, all the females around the ramen stand (that is to say, all the people present) just looked at Naruto in confusion for the outburst. While the old ramen chef laughed at the boy's misfortune.

* * *

Squad seven had gathered at the front gate of Konohagakure no sato. Consisting of the three gennin: Haruno Sakura, Satsuki Uchiha, and Mithra Uzumaki-Namikaze. Led by jonin Kagome Hatake. A woman with a C-cup breasts size that wore a green jonin flak jacket, blue shinobi pants, blue shinobi sandals, and covered her right eye with her Konoha headband. Her hair was a silver spiky mess that rised upwards, and descended down her back.

The squad had received its first ever C-rank mission. Were they had to escort a bridge builder to the land of waves so that he could finish the project. It was a massive undertaking that would increase trade between the land of waves, and the surrounding countries of wind and fire. Which was a good plus in Konoha's book, as well as Suna's, Konoha's ally.

Although in the teams words 'the grumpy old fart could give us more respect. We are the ones who are going to protect his ass.'

That is to say, the meeting between client and hired help did not go smoothly. Understatement, Satsuki's Uchiha pride took a blow when he called her and the Haruno girl an ironing board. So of course Mithra, the more level headed of the bunch, grabbed the Haruno girl by the arms while their teacher, Kagome, ruffled the hair of the Uchiha heiress. All the while reading porn.

Ninja are fucking weird.

Which leads into now, as squad seven stood by the gate with their jonin sensei, who was on time for once and leaning against a tree, reading porn- go figure- and giggling like a lecherous person while her students stared at the open gateway, patiently waiting for their client to arrive.

And then two figures could be seen walking through the open doorway…well not yet, they were still quite a ways away. Although their shinobi hearing did allow them to pick up what the two were talking about.

"…learn a bit of the stuff. Best decision of my life right there I tell ya." Explained the more shadowed by sunlight figure. The voice of it being easily identifiable to the ears of Sakura, Mithra, and Satsuki.

"So let me get this straight…you left an island in the sky by riding a large bird with red wings and had a duck bill, and then fell into a dimensional rift…"

"Yep."

"You landed on an alien planet filled with sexy as all hell blue people with tentacle crest things for hair…"

"You're right on track old man."

"You stayed there for six months, going from place to place, fighting with said blue people in death battles that involved you swinging a giant sword around and dodging weird blue things that could change the mass of anything they touched…"

"They were a bitch to fight at times too. Especially the ones with facial markings on them."

"And then you stumbled upon a tribe wide orgy and joined in…"

"I had mind sex yes. And it was more like I was dragged into it by a really loopy one. It was pretty crazy, all of them had two vaginas. It was…and experience."

"And then you got bored so you grabbed some freaky deaky blue rocks, sharpened them into knives, found the dimensional portal, and clawed your way back into it for five days straight…only to fall through it and land on a magic continent full of wizards and mages."

"So far so good."

"And you just…casually decided to learn magic?"

"After I saw five guys fly through the air and punch the crap out of a bunch of three legged birds with beast man claw arms, yeah."

"Dude…you have made me honored to be the same gender as you…could you sign my sake jug?"

"Sure, let me carve it in with my knife."

And then the two of them were standing in front of the escort, while Tazuna just chugged his alcohol with gusto. It was Mithra who started talking to break the awkward silence.

"Big brother…every time I hear even a smidgen of your adventures I begin to question the realms of possibility that exist."

"I have a motto in life dear little sunflower: do the impossible, see the invisible. Touch the untouchable, break the unbreakable. If you're going to live life, do it without restrictions. That's the way to enjoy living."

Sakura had stars in her eyes while Satsuki looked up to the man with a scrutinizing stare. And then remembering the things she's heard that the man has done from the rumor mill…as well as seeing him in action at the Chunnin exam arena when he completely and utterly wrecked the new jonin in a free for all brawl.

And that was without drawing his blade.

Kagome closed her book and began to walk on over to the Red Swordsman, who had a bag rucksack over his shoulders. "You know, I haven't seen you since you were a little boy Naruto. And I gotta say…I'm impressed."

Naruto groaned as he palmed his face. "Not you too…" he whined.

The jonin only chuckled at the expense of her former mentors' son. He was quite the interesting man in her book. Strong, loyal, travel seasoned, world savvy, and a gentleman from what she's heard.

Mithra looked back and forth between the two adults, as did Sakura and Satsuki. Confusion evident on their faces. Tazuna simply laughed and shook his head at the questioning glances the girls gave the two adults.

"You'll learn when you're older…" he said.

"Is it about my brother being a manwhore?" asked a curious Mithra.

"I'm not a manwhore! Times were hard back then!"

And then both of the other grown-ups in the group started laughing at the Red Swordsman expense. Said male huffed at the rest of the group and began walking away. "C'mon, let's go to wave already!" he called out to the rest of the group.

Everyone besides Tazuna and Kagome looked at the crimson-blond in confusion. "Why are you going with us to wave Namikaze-san?" asked an inquisitive Sakura with an arched brow.

Naruto scowled when he heard the honorific before crossing his arms and letting his displeasure of the word be known in his body language. The pinkette shriveled beneath the stern glare from the only Uzumaki male in all of existence.

It was Tazuna that piped up to save the poor girl from the Uzumaki death glare. "He's coming with us because he hired ya'll out to escort him to wave girl. And a good thing he did too. I feel a lot safer with this badass of a man among us."

"Oh? You don't have faith in us mister bridge builder? Do you think that my squad can't get the job done?" asked a persecutive Kagome. Her lone visible eye suddenly becoming a triangle missing its base line with the tip pointed upwards. The famous Hatake eye-smile (trademark).

Tazuna looked clearly freaked out by the eye-smile, but chalked it up to random ninja magic. The other guy, Naruto, was simply sheer awesome with a touch of literal magic. "No…I just feel safer because I already saw this guy in action a while ago." He explained with sweaty palms.

"So why did the Yondaime's son, who I know is strong enough to take care of himself, hire us out and is going to wave?" Asked a curious Satsuki. Her arms crossed beneath her budding figure. Although it really wouldn't be worth anything till about four more years give or take.

It was Mithra that spoke up in her brother's favor. "Last night at dinner he said he had to go to wave to meet up with someone. Mom just convinced him to leave with us at the same time…you know, strength in numbers and all that?" she said while folding her hands in front of her person and walking at a faster pace to catch up with her brother.

As they all set out to wave, Satsuki muttered one last thing before they left the vicinity, "I which my brother was at dinner…"

* * *

 **I feel bad for naruto now. I don't know if his situation is awesome, or sad.**

 **AND THATS ALL SHE WROTE!**

 **QUE THE AIRHORNS!**

 **BABABABWAAAAAAAA!**


End file.
